September 2007

This month has been the month of fakers, liars, and drama queens. Here are a few for example:
In a slot machine video game store, which is probably illegal, a large woman fell out of a chair on her badonkadonk. Her friends called 911 for her, and she was laying there acting hurt. All that cushion and she fell on a carpeted floor from a chair 2 feet high. I made her get up and sit in a more stable chair. Her friends were then saying, "she landed on her spine. You're not supposed to move her." She got up all by herself and they left. I guess they realized there is no money to be scammed here. She walked out on her own power. Her spine fully intact. Thank you bodonkadonk.

A teenage girl went to a high school football game after missing school that day. She is on the drill team and was seen by her drill instructor at the game. Feeling that she would get in trouble, she told her boyfriend to take her home. She began to panic and hyperventilate. Her family thought she was dying as she willingly made a bunch of noise while she was breathing. By the time we got her, her hands and feet were cramping from the metabolic imbalance caused by her hyperventilating.

A mother called 911 after her 3 year old drank a small amount of bubbles. Just soap and water that he spit out on his own. Her reason was that her son was born premature...3 years ago. What a waste. Another teenage girl called 911 after she was wrestling with a friend and she became out of breath and her chest began to hurt. She was fine when we arrived and she said she was out of shape.

Speaking of out of shape another teenage boy had to run or walk 2 whole laps on the track during the first day of marching band practice. Feeling tired or overwhelmed, he flopped onto the track, reached inside his pocket and called 911. His band director was so embarrassed for him. There are just no more men around. No sense of toughness or personal pride. Yet another great use of your tax dollars.

A woman was in a fender bender and claimed to have lower back pain. She too was well cushioned on her backside. The car had minor damage on the rear passenger wheel well. After she stood up and accused the other driver of a hit and run and being intoxicated, she decided she must be transported to the ER because her "spine" could be injured as well. More like her pocket book was hurt because she didn't get the insurance on her rental car. She should have watched,"Meet the Parents" and "Meet the Fockers."

Just to make myself clear in case any of you all ever wonder. We do not carry an ultrasound machine in our ambulance. We cannot "check your baby out," contrary to popular belief. And if you are 9 months pregnant and your stomach hurts and gets tight, it's called a contraction. Moving on...

Violence abounds in the "Ridge." One man was stabbed in his belly and another beat down with a tire iron. These geniuses confronted a group of men who threw an empty beer bottle at them. After getting a beat down, they complained about it not being a fair fight with only fists. Does that even happen anymore? The fellow who was beat with the tire iron was screaming and acting hard vowing revenge. Yeah tough guy everyone is gone now. Keep talking trash to your invisibe assailant.

I saw some good car wrecks on the beltway. One SUV had a blowout and then rolled landing on the middle barrier. The woman survived with minor injuries. Another woman flipped her Mazda 6 four times on the same stretch of highway after she blacked out and hit the barrier. She too survived with minor injuries.

Some people just have no concept of cleanliness. We walk into all types of homes and it doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, or middle class there is no excuse to being dirty. Your home doesn't have to be sparkling clean, but it doesn't have to smell like a dinosaur booty with dingleberries. The funk is like walking into a wall. It hits you and you don't want to continue forward. It burns your nose and you smell it for the rest of the day. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Four homes in our immediate area are unforgettable. We had to go into them for a headache a man sustained after a hangover and getting beat up over a day before, a lady with recurring abdominal pain, and a lady faking a stroke because she is mad at her daughters. True emergencies all.

We did make 2 cardiac arrests in which we got pulses and respirations back. It is always good to make a difference, even if it isn't every day. I can go on and on about the nonsense that we sometimes seem to make. Some people desparately need us and others need self esteem, reassurance, a whooping, common sense, a shoulder to cry on or whatever. Regardless of what the true need or emergency is, we are required to respond and do so out of duty. God is even better and more amazing. No matter where we live, what we're going through, or what we've done. He is always there for us by His own choice and love for us. For some he is just waiting for you to call. You can't ever call to much. No problem is too big or too small.